S at 4 months

 

The day has arrived. A day I was hoping I didn't have to go through with s. When s was but a wee little peapod, she was a big sleepy head. I was so thoroughly concerned. Rightly so, she slept through all her feedings landing us in the hospital for dehydration. So I fussed and worried and wondered. Is everything ok with my little one? Well, she taught me a thing or two since then. In a matter of one month, she went from eating 5-7 ounces during the daytime to 15. This jump happened in a day or 2. That was great because I was this close to buying a scale on eBay so I could weigh her accurately daily.

She finally woke up. Yes, indeed, many of you have heard of my many woes about her sleeplessness. Just when I thought a little co-sleeping would do the trick, she changed the rules of the game. She went from sleeping 5 hours to 4 to 3, and finally we got to waking up every hour. For the last 10 days, she has been waking within minutes of being put down. So after a few false starts, tonight we will begin our sleep training which will consist of her crying it out. She is finally settled now after almost an hour and a half of on-and-off crying. It is sad to hear her begging to be carried. I know that I could nurse her and she would peacefully drop off in my arms, but she would wake within a few minutes and the cycle will once again begin. She's not hungry though. She nurses for comfort.

We sleep trained g in the same way and despite the success that proved to be, I can't shake the feeling that somehow crying shouldn't be part of how a baby needs to sleep. I feel guilty. I wonder if I did the right thing or if I am doing the right thing. I wonder what I could have done differently. Did I try to wake her a little too much when she was a sleepy head?

For those somehow thinking that I am taking a "shortcut", far from it. Those who have done this will very quickly attest that this can be a long journey. In actual calendar days, it can take a while, days at the very least and sometimes weeks, for all this to take. Through all this, I sit outside her door pulling whatever remains of my mane out, thinking that there might be some other way, maybe there is still that one other thing that I haven't done that could have possibly made this all unnecessary. The doubt about the right-ness of this decision will persist in my mind.