Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Meltdown #4385

Ok...I have not honestly been keeping track although that number may be close to accurate. Last night was a particularly bad night. Sleep deprivation aside, it was that time of the night when everything is coming together (or falling apart). s must be having some sort of growth spurt. She was nursing non-stop and didn't want to fall asleep. It was also bedtime for g. So I needed to get her showered and start the sleep sequence.

the shower went ok but things began to unravel from there. s (who finally fell asleep a few minutes before) woke up again and started crying just as I was trying to get g to sleep. Just as g was settling down, the nanny came in to get a diaper for s. So g bolted up to see what was going on. s was hungry so she was crying throughout this whole time. I tried to leave g but she started to get upset also. She reached freak-out levels within a minute. Now I have 2 babies crying at the top of her lungs as the nanny was bidding me goodnight.

So I decided to nurse s in g's bedroom, hoping that we would all just fall asleep. I actually thought that we all did except s started to fuss and g bolted up again. I swear that kid can ignore the karaoke night at the bar next door but can hear a pin drop in that bedroom. So s started to cry and I thought I should take her to living room so as not to wake g up even more. Too late, g was up and rose again to freak out levels in record time.

I yelled. I hate doing that, but I did. g fell silent and gave me her sad look complete with tears rimming her eyes. I hated myself even more. I quietly told g that I really need to give s something to eat and I had to leave. I will see her tomorrow.

The rest of the night was more of a nursing extravaganza. I finally had dinner at 11:00 and graduated to another nursing extravaganza till 2:00 AM.

OK...so I think I will take a pass on that third kid.


JW said...

Oh gosh! How do you do it alone, a toddler and a newborn?! But you know this is inevitable . . . the incessant demands of the sleepy and the hungry little beings.

I understand the little voice inside longing for a third. Now that I am about to have a second, it's interesting that I am even contemplating a third. Is having babies addictive? But the sight of a new life that one can create is an experience that no words can describe. The joy of seeing a little living being breathing because of you just bring tears and a smile to the soul. So I understand. I kinda feel a little sad that two is the number of kids I have so fervently told my husband we'll stop at. I just don't want to spend more years taking care of babies even though they do grow up and it would get easier. Those nights of no sleep and hunger, because one was tending to the little angels first, were torture. Nevertheless, I know that little voice will continue to talk . . . until you finally say . . . "why not a third? done two already and I survived."

a's mommy said...

That must be really tough with two little ones! I think it's hard enough with just one child not sleeping thru the night. But I can understand the desire to want more children despite the morning sickness, labor, breastfeeding and sleepless nights.

Back when we just got married, I thought it would be nice to have 3 or 4 kids. I still think it would be nice so that little "a" can have lots of siblings to play with, but in reality I don't think I have the energy for it. Plus the fact that the clock is ticking... Although I really admire some of my older cousins, three of whom are over age 35, with careers and each of whom just had their third child. One of them has a stay-at-home-husband, and the other just recently became a SAHM.

Well hang in there! I'm sure you are doing a great job. Let us know if you'd like us to stop by before the holidays with any meals or snacks or some extra pairs of hands to help.


Hang in there! Wait until I get back. You'll be taking care of three kids then!