Friday, December 01, 2006

The sadness

I am happy to report that s is back on the "juice" (breastfeeding). Her bili levels are lower. We would just have to deal with her being a little yellow for now. During our many loooooong feeding sessions, I catch myself looking at this little shrimp. My last little shrimp. G and I have had the conversation about this one being our last child. We both felt that 2 was enough and that we were both done with having anymore. While I was heavy with pregnancy, I totally agreed. It was difficult being tired and ill with morning sickness AND have a toddler to deal with. There was no way I could deal with another pregnancy and 2 toddlers.

But I smell my little baby's hair, I wonder. I am weighed down a little by sadness. Though not necessarily an overwhelming desire to have another child, but the loss of that possibility. That part of my life is now over.

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