Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The unspoken "secret" of parenthood

I read this post with tears in my eyes. I remember the many days when I felt this, when I felt trapped by the craziness, when I needed to lock myself in a bathroom and sob...ok, bawl. I have sat in darkness once while my then 2 week old baby was still crying after hours of soothing, breastfeeding, singing and rocking. I sat in the darkness and felt the same darkness that must have overcome many new parents when the crying and the screaming did not ever seem to stop. It was a darkness that felt so isolating. I felt alone, ungrateful, selfish and incompetent.

I guess I felt a great reasonance with this post because no other parent has told me any of this. No one had told me that I will have days when I would literally want to smash my head against the wall to drown the wailing. That I will have days when her crying will only be rivaled by my own. I wish someone had. I might not have listened at that time but the morsel of fact would have sat in the back of my mind. I would have remembered and in those many sad days, nights and early morning hours I would have not felt so alone.

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