Oh How Cruel

I am staring into my dear little s' face. It is now 8:45 pm and I have spent the last 2 hours trying to wake s up to eat and play. This is part of Operation Reset - the project to shift s' sleep from only during the day to mainly during the night. We have tried to wake her up more often during the day. It wasn't too difficult the first few hours in the morning because she is usually wakeful at that time. However starting in the early afternoon till early evening is usually when she sleeps very deeply. So deeply that despite all my efforts I could not rouse her from sleep. When she does wake for a few minutes, she would cry out. I feel so horrible. I feel like I am torturing her. Her cries sound like "what are you trying to do to me? What have I done to you?" She also gives me that "you-are-going-to-pay-for-this" look.

Last night she woke up every hour on the hour. She was sleepy but she just needed to be soothed every time she enters the light stage of sleep. Whereas now, I look at her sleeping through my dishwashing, my stripping her down. She has such a peaceful little face now. That sweet little face is a cruel reminder of my fate tonight. The constant waking, crying, etc, etc, etc. I am not looking forward to tonight.